Why do I Tri? by Carl Eshelman
Why do I Tri? Or, worded another way, why do I get up at 4:30am 6 days a week, go to bed at 9:00, miss happy hour with friends, keep myself in a state of chronic soreness in some part of my body for weeks on end, apply such things as “Chamois Butter,” worry about nipple chaffing, put up with the perpetual smell of chlorine, and deplete my retirement account for that new gadget for my bike that I just GOTTA have? Or, as my wife, Kim, so eloquently asked, “Are you freakin’ INSANE?”
The answer to Kim’s question is still up for debate and the other questions are not easy to answer. Of course the quick and easy answer is I Tri because it’s fun. But why is it fun? That is a much harder question to answer. I am a VERY competitive person. But that competitive nature only has to do with beating the tar out of two very, VERY, tough competitors. Those competitors are named Fear and Self Doubt and beating them makes me feel good about myself. They show up at every race and a good percentage of workouts. My record against them is pretty good but they have won the day more times than I care to admit. And even on the days they don’t win, they still get in my head and mess with my mind more than any other competitor out there ever has.
When I beat Fear and Self Doubt and finish that first open water swim, race a longer course, or set that PR that they told me I could never make, there is no victory that feels better. When I let them win and pedal a little easier because they convinced me I couldn’t keep that pace even though I know I have more to give, don’t show up for a workout because the convinced me I couldn’t complete it when I know I could at least try, or walked that last hill because they convinced me there was no reason to keep running and I give up on that PR when there is still a chance, there is no loss that gnaws at me more.
Two years ago to the month I found myself very over weight and completely out of shape. I realized that I had let Fear and Self Doubt beat me down. They had convinced me that there was no reason to try and ride my bike that had been in the garage for a decade. There was no reason to get my skis waxed. No reason to get new grip put on my golf clubs. They told me I would just look like a fat fool if I tried to do anything athletic. Then they did it… they said it one too many times. Now it was personal, Fear and Self Doubt were going DOWN! I picked myself up off the couch, blew the dust off my golf clubs and went and walked 9 holes of VERY bad golf. It took me several days to recover from those 9 holes.
I was never athletic. I played relief right field in Little League, couldn’t shoot a basket to save my life, even in high school running a mile without walking was unobtainable, I never learned to swim and avoided the water as much as possible. The only athletic endeavors that I ever pursued voluntarily were bicycling, golf, and skiing. Even at those I was never more than mediocre. But I was very fortunate to grow up in a family that instilled some great personal values. Treat other as you want to be treated. You don’t have to be the best, you just have to be the best you can be. You can accomplish anything you want if you want it bad enough to work hard enough and long enough to make it happen.
So drawing on these values, walking 9 holes of golf progressed to going to the gym to ride the stationary bike, with Fear and Self Doubt telling me I would look out of place or I would hurt myself. The stationary bike progressed to getting my old road bike out of storage and signing up for the STP, with Fear and Self Doubt telling me there was no way I could be ready for the STP by June. Finishing the STP progressed to getting my mountain bike out of storage and hitting the trails for the first time in a decade, with Fear and Self Doubt telling me I would be back to my old ways as soon as the weather turned. Mountain biking in the cool autumn weather progressed to finding RTB and LifeStyle ICS and a group of people who believed in me more than I believed in myself at times, with Fear and Self Doubt telling me I could never hang with a group of athletes of this caliber. Working out with and being surrounded by the RTB team lead to signing up for my first multisport event, Mt Rainier Du, with Fear and Self Doubt telling me I would never finish the race. Finishing Mt. Rainier led to my realizing that the multisport community is just as supportive and accepting of the person who comes in last as they are of the person who wins and to signing up for 5 triathlons, with Fear and Self Doubt telling me that I will never improve my times. Finishing 6 multisport events with steady improvement progressed to signing up for IM 70.3 Victoria and IM Canada in 2015, with Fear and Self Doubt telling me there’s no way I will be ready by July.
Fear and Self Doubt are bigger and stronger competitors now than they ever have been… But so am I. The past two years have reminded me of what my family worked so hard to instill in me when I was young, that you can accomplish anything you want if you want it bad enough to work hard enough and long enough to make it happen.
Will Fear and Self Doubt win the next round? Only time will tell. But I am putting my money on me.
So, back to the original question. Why do I Tri? Because Fear and Self Doubt tell me I can’t.
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